I have the magic ticket for you to never get your heart broken again. Here you go, are you ready ladies? Never again will you have mascara colored tears in vertical lines all over your face. You won't dive into the secret stash of chocolate covered carbs with hearbreak written on the nutrition side.
So here is the secret to it all: DATE SOMEONE YOU DON'T LIKE. I know what you're thinking, and no I do not expect you to befriend and hickey-fy the poster boy for proactive in your Spanish class.
I'm just saying that you can get your heart broken by the man of your dreams and feel like the only person who loves you is your vibrator, or you can date a loser and when he doesn't call, eat a cracker (for your carb fill) and be over it.
Am I the only one who sees the perfect goddamn logic in this? It's so perfect and fool proof that I have to introduce you to my loser. He is gorgeous. I could wash my laundry on his stomach and I am really grossed out by his tattoos that I assume he got in someone's house. I have no mental connection to him in any way. I believe he may think that America's deficit means we all have ADHD.
But damn, he is perfect for me to get over the love of my life who broke my heart a year ago. At least with this guy, I don't have to delete his number from my cell phone so I won't call him drunk and crying at 2 am. I kind of forget to call him actually.
I love being so detached and distant that I am not constantly obsessing over the semantics of a 5 minute phone conversation. I actually want him to leave and stop talking sometimes. It's awesome.
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